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Lauryn Hill’s Downfall Continues

Former Fugues member Wyclef Jean spoke publicly to Bizarre about his concerns for ex-Fugees member who says the singer needs ‘psychiatric help.’

In a recent interview Jean piped up that, ‘Lauryn has some serious issues she needs to address.’ RWD’s Boy Wonder who reviewed her performance at the Hammersmith Apollo, in July, reported that her stage presence teamed with her terrible dress sense left her looking a little bit worse for wear. Wonder christened the event as ‘The Exorcism of Lauryn Hill.’

The Gone Til November singer implied there are two sides to Lauren and the bad side is on show. He went on to say that someone needs to tell her to pull her socks up or there is going to be trouble.

Clef was so worried about the mother of four that instead of calling 911 he contacted her mum. Oh dear that is never a good sign, now she is going to be grounded and you all know what that means…. No more Fugees regroup.

Craig David is VEXED with Merrion

It’s fair to say that Bo Selecta has had its day. A couple of years ago it was marginally amusing to walk around shouting ‘Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaig David.’ But now the Southampton singer has voiced his discontent over the spoof making him look like, well… a bit of a joke.

The larger than life character played by funny man Leigh Francis aka Avid Merion, wore a giant rubber mask with his trade mark NHS glasses that are the must have accessory for any aspiring Selecta’ character.

Craig, who recently appeared on the Kano’s album London Town has relaunched his career, he claims that the joke has gone a bit too far and that it affects the way he writes songs. Fair enough it is not fun to be mocked.

Craig spoke to Bizarre explaining “When you’ve got people shouting at you in the street, people in my face telling me this and that about sketches from the show - it was like me against the world.”

Its not looking for David who is looking to make a monumental come back!

One more mock:

Words by Jailes

Lil and Danny get on it!

The east London geezer joined forces with the daughter of ‘Vindaloo’ singer Keith Allen to have it large ‘up west.’

According The Sun Lil linked up with Dyer for a night out. The business star, notorious for his pourchant for all things naughty walked arm in arm with the rich/poor/mouth-all-mighty star. But there was no romance on account of Lily’s new fella, Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers

We are slightly concerned for Lily’s lil bro, Alfie who was said to be swaggering through the street with a glass of bubbly and a young girl who goes by the name of Jamie Winston-Yes- Ray Winston’s daughter be warned Alf,’ he doesn’t play the bad man for nothing! In Nil By Mouth Daddy Winston plays an aggressive bas**rd who gave his on screen wife, Kathy Burke a good hiding and then preceded to rock back and forth, like a nutter, in a pair of Y-fronts. In Sexy Beast Winton buried Ben Kingsley under the pool!

Alfie don’t go breaking any hearts or you might end up in a spot of bother with the in-laws.

Words Jailes

Front Bumps


The bootilicious Latino has got a bun in the oven according to sources from In Touch magazine. Not only that there are suspicions that she may be expecting twins. Lopez is joining the fresh batch of celebrity mothers in a bid to clock in before her biological ticker slows down. It’s no surprise that Lopez has jumped on the baby bandwagon with the likes of pint sized pop star Xtina revealing that she is up the duff. According to a tip off it is suspected that Jenny from Da Block is 12 weeks into her pregnancy.

Marc Antony, her third husband has three children from a previous marriage. We suspect this may cause a few problems when it comes to sharing attention between siblings. As we all know J-Lo likes to promote herself as some what of a diva and one can only assume that she will be one of those pedantic mothers! Yes we all know them, you only have to go to an Organic café is Battersea to see one first hand.

The archetypal celebrity mother is not a caring, sharing nurturing type but a drug taking, girl kissing party animal. Britney Spears is guilty of the above and shocked the public when pictures were released of her baby sitting at the driver’s seat of her Merc. English rose Kerry Katona has done very well since I’m A Celebrity’ in scoring a deal with Iceland that is set to keep her kid obese until the tender age of 60! Jen take heed of the bad celebrity mothers and show a little decorum as a mother and a lady.

Concerned baby momma

50 Cent vs. Kanye West: Clash of the Titans


Unless you were asleep for the past few months, today is the day, it’s 50 Cent vs Kanye West, one is a self-proclaimed NY Don, the other is the LV Don. Ferrari wants to ‘Get Money’ and Kanye is ready to do it by ‘any jeans necessary’.

In what is going down as a historic moment in hip hop the hype has been built up into some sort WWF (or WWE, whatever they’re calling these days) main match up, the two even featured on the Rolling Stone cover starring each other down. The only difference here is that you know it’s not fixed, these two heavyweights are not only trying to cut the better album but they’re also trying to outsell each other and leave their opponent in distant second. Popping shots at each other from the jump the G-Unit head honcho has claimed he would retire if Kanye sells more than him whilst ‘Ye has begged Fif, not to retire “After I sell more than you”. These are two good artists with two completely different styles, one is socially conscious and a trendsetter whilst the other is a smart business minded genius who got $4 billion from Coke-Cola by flogging of some H2O, like the Jigga man, it’s like selling water to a well. While these two managed to keep their egos in check last night at the VMAs, you know there must have been some sort of tension even a barber couldn’t cut.

In the end when those sale numbers come through the winner will probably be bragging about it to everyone in an I told you so-style fashion whilst the loser will throw a strop, stamp his feet and moan like some little brat in Hamleys who’s parents won’t buy that over-priced toy.

In related news it seems the competition between 50 Cent and Kanye West has been taken to ridiculous proportions with who can have the dumbest headline of the night. It’s like a scene out of Déjà vu when Kanye West decided to, yet again, throw a diva style hissy-fit at the VMAs after NOT winning an award…again. He also complained at not performing on the main stage and allowing acts like Britney Spears to open the show. “Brit hasn’t had a hit in like 5 million years” says ‘Ye and “she opens the show?”. Ahhh didums.

Meanwhile 5-0 nearly died…again. However instead off getting popped by enemies it was case of ‘Fiddy’ being to rich…and generous to his fans. During his VMA performance at the Hard Rock Hotel, Curtis decided to show some curtis-y by throwing money to the audience. Naturally this was met by chaos. Amidst the madness part of the rappers sound stage was knocked into the pool causing his performance to be terminated early even after warning fans to back up. Definitely a case of Got Rich, Nearly Died Giving.

Words by J Gadiano


In unrelated news we need your letters. Email staff@rwdmag.com [subject: Potential Letter of the Month]… With prizes to be won, writing can be a whole lotta fun.

‘A-HA’ Coogan’s a bad influence on Wilson

Steve has been raving a little too hard, after dating Hollywood’s cheapest hooker Coog’s preceded to get messed up with Owen Wilson. Things started out great they mixed a little bit of this with a little bit of that, but things took a dark turn when they whipped out the crystal meth!

Apparently the guys went on a massive three-day bender of no sleep and plenty of debauchery! Coogan approached Wilson after filming of their film Night at The Museum with a pocket full of naughtiness. The wonky nosed actor returned to Hollywood fresh out of a stint at a drug rehab centre. After the weekend of madness things took a turn for the worst! Wilson got all crazy and tried to top himself, he took a drug overdose and slit his wrists whilst on a come down. Now the finger is being pointed at the Partridge comedian who is said to refute any responsibility for Owen’s suicidal actions. No one likes to think of their comedy hero as mental crack head but hanging around Hollywood is changing Coog’s into his own words ‘a mentalist.’


Words by Jailes

That’s Her Prerogative

Sexy photos of the baldy pop star are being used as evidence in her ongoing custody battle with ex hip hop wannabe Kevin Federline. The photos show Brit having a kiss and fondle in her private pool with her former personal assistant, Shannon Funk.

For the boys I am sure there is nothing more they would love than to get their hands on the piccies. The Sun and Ok mag have already jumped on the bandwagon, fulfilling fantasies worldwide. K-Fed is using the pictures as proof that Spears is not of sound body or mind to look after children. We all had an inkling that the Toxic star was partial to lady loving, and clearly demonstrated it live on stage by snogging Madonna! Well better out than in! According to The Sun a ‘friend’ of Brit’s revealed : “Britney seemed more into this girl than she ever has been into a guy.Even though the hunks were hot, Britney made a beeline to cavort with Shannon.”

But having a little topless snog can’t really do your kids that much harm? Look at the Pam and Tommy movie that showcased some hardcore sex, what happens when Pam’s adorable kids learn how to use Limewire and end up downloading it…. Ewwww incestuous!

Finally I will leave you with a few questions that you can ponder at your leasuire: Who took the pictures and how did Kev get hold of them? Furthermore if you were in a relationship with a beautiful woman and she offered you a seat at her girl-on-girl show would you decline?

Words by Jailes

Trouble Up

He has finally come out of the closet to face up to his responsibilities for allegedly having sex with a 14 year old on camera 2002. He is one of RnB’s greatest storytellers with tunes like Real Talk and Same Girl that had us all reaching for the tissues! Perhaps he predicted a long drawn out trial that prompted him to make a cracking album.

A hearing in Chicago court on August 1st set a date for the trial beginning September 17th. It has taken a record breaking five years to come to trial, if it was any other paedo The sun would have been all over him like a rash! If convicted for paedophilia he will receive a 15 year sentence! The plot thickens when it was recently revealed that the 14 year old was in fact his God Daughter-that is twisted! Considering his former track record with Aaliyah would you really make R your daughters protector?

The tape sees Kel’s indulging in sexual acts that include his favourite pastime the ‘golden shower’. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the ‘golden shower’, it involves a little defecation. There is always a guilty party in these games, one-person pees whilst the other receives and supposedly feels very aroused. I’ve heard that is it big with swingers and such like. The reason being they can pee on someone who they don’t have to take home-imagine sitting next to your significant other in the car with them unable to make eye contact, not to mention the smell!! So for 98% of us the shower is hard to contemplate, perhaps R is just one those people who just can’t tie a knot in it. So if you are popping Cris’ with him just watch how much he drinks and if he uses the lavatory on more than one occasion.

So go ahead pi*s on your bitch!

Lindsey Lohan Goes Bananas

Once upon a time there was a little ginger girl who wanted to be famous and loved by all. The little girl embarked on a career with her daddy by her side and her mum as her manager. Lohan is one of the biggest teen celebrities putting anorexic twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to shame.

Lindsay took role after role in films that included playing the same character in Disney classic: The Parent Trap, a distressed teenager in Freaky Friday, a wannabe bitch in Mean Girls and a wacky racer Herbie Fully Loaded. Talking of Wacky Racers, Dick Dastardly would probably like a few words with Lohan who has all the allure of Mutely. The ginger racer had a full on rally with her ex-personal assistant who had recently thrown in the towel. Rumour has it that our Lin-Lin is quite hard work when it comes to sticking to schedule. After a stint in rehab Miss Lohan was seen sporting an alcohol bracelet that monitors consumption. I forgot to mention that whilst she was kicking off at her former P.A she was probably a little bit rat arsed! They ended up rowing in car park where the police were called and like a scared little girl Li-Lo ran for the hills. The police chasing her on the radar and saw her platinum blonde hair shining like a beacon! When they arrested her they found a wrap of cocaine in her pocket. Snotty nosed and upset Lo-Lo maintained that the chang wasn’t hers and that she is innocent.

With a collection of driving offences it looks like this time she is well and truly in the doghouse. Gossip sources suspect that Lind’s is going down the same road as Paris with a court appearance in August, it looks like it’s back to rehab for you. We can ponder the fate of childhood stars and how growing up in front of the camera affects ones mental state. Brittany Spears recent behaviour exhibits all the traits of someone made to grow up before her time. What would Freud have to say about these troubled stars?

Word by Jailes

Pole Position

The Stripper 

Want to know what a stripper does day to day? Wonder no more, as we meet ‘Summer May,’ a young woman who undresses for a living. As told to Hayley Joyes. “It’s 3pm and I have just opened my eyes in my South London flat, which I bought from the work I do as a stripper. Stripping is the reason I am a nocturnal person, because I don’t start work until about 8pm. During the day, I’ll go shopping with friends, apply fake tan and try and go to the gym. When I arrive at work, I hook up with my fellow stripper friends to have a laugh, and wait for the punters - we get ready to dive in and take them for all they’ve got! I work all over London; from the West End, to the East End, the City… wherever.  

When we dance onstage, we keep our clothes on because it acts as a little tease for the customers before we go sit down at their tables with them. Sometimes we’ll go topless, because it’s basically advertising ourselves so… I got started as a stripper after I asked my boyfriend if he thought I could do it and he told me to go for it. If I had done really badly on my first night, I don’t think I would have gone back but I made £400, which was one months wages working in a pub. After that I couldn’t wait to go back. A week later, I hit the jackpot and took £2000. Making money depends on the amount of girls there are on a shift and the calibre of punter - it’s pure luck! At first I was really confident, because I have never had a problem taking my clothes off. But when you get on the floor, it’s quite daunting because you’re on your own. Once you sit down and have a few drinks though, it’s fine. Sometimes I sit with the girls and reminisce over my first time. The stage fright, the shoes, the power, the money! 

My bloke is completely chilled about it. When I first started, he wanted to know everything - especially the girl on girl dances. The lesbian dances are fine, it’s just like being 17 when you’re getting off with your mates in the pub half p*ssed!  Last night was special because a celebrity came in with a massive group of his mates; he’s a young, good-looking Cockney actor who has been in films like The Business. They perched at their table with their mouths open, gawping at my slender figure. I decided to take my time before pouncing on him, so I sat next to a balding businessman who said he liked my confidence and sexy legs. I asked him for a drink and a ciggie - he willingly obliged and before I knew it, I was in the VIP room. The cupboard-like cavern is littered with mirrors, and I was grinding on him to some cheesy Mariah Carey song. As I caught my reflection, my love handles were a bit flabby and I realised resisting the gym for a couple of weeks has really taken its toll on my body! Every time I went near him, he tried to grab me. I was thinking ‘For God sake, don’t you know about the 3 foot rule!’ Mind you, once you get into the VIP, that rule no longer exists! As I was finishing, he handed me £300, which reaffirmed the reason I do this. 

Some woman that I meet are shocked and believe I am degrading women and exploiting myself. On the contrary; it’s us strippers who are exploiting the men - the rush of power we have over these men, at times rendering them speechless, is unreal. I am a beautiful woman who is happy in her own skin. Getting paid to look good is too easy. I like taking my clothes off, my boyfriend doesn’t mind because he knows that I am not attracted to men with money. And it’s definitely changed my own attitudes. For example, I have been reading this French book called Belle De Jour about high class prostitutes and it’s fantastic. It makes it look dead glamourous, rather than bad. I don’t have a bad opinion of escorts at all. Breezy Sue is the oldest and she has the best stories; she told me that all the worst stuff goes down in the City clubs. There is more money, therefore more opportunity to take home a few thousand for sex, but that really isn’t my style. I am a stripper, straight up. Breezy is also the most alcoholic of us all and frequently gets stroppy with the customers and takes the p*ss out of them. Poor Breezy, I wonder what her mum thinks of her? I know for sure that my parents would disown me if they found out, because they are a bit old fashioned. Anyway, back to last night and I decided to make that famous actors night - all that time I take making myself look gorgeous pays off. I find that Essex and East End boys love my outgoing, party-loving attitude and that’s why the actor and I got on like a house on fire. He paid me well and said my boyfriend was very lucky. 

At the end of the night, security checks the area and makes sure there is no one outside and then they put us straight in a taxi to go home. I can earn £2000 a night on a good night, but last night I made £80, so it really is hit and miss sometimes. But I’m not stupid with what I earn; I used the money to buy a flat because I am preparing for the future.